Goodbye dear Sam (photos & letters)

Posted by Michelle on Dec 15, 2005 in pups & other pets

Sam our dachshund had been very lethargic, clingy and not eating well. We took him to the vet and the results weren’t good. He’s had a heart murmur and needed ultrasound on the heart, plus one on his stomach. He was so sad, just so droopy and all he wanted is to be on or next to me.

The ultrasound showed a bladder stone and something more serious – a blockage in his stomach and intestines. We love our vets so when they said he needed this taken care of now, we said go for it.

The surgery went well and he came out of it fine. We hoped to bring him home the next day.

I was taking a shower the next morning, getting ready to take Hayley to Saturday morning basketball when I had just knew Sam was gone and that the vet would be calling soon. I just knew it but I shook it off.

I finished my shower and called to Hayley to see if had brushed her hair and had her shoes on. And Jeff told her to tell me basketball was cancelled. I thought maybe bad roads but then I knew I was right, he was gone.

The vet had called Jeff and said when they came in this morning, he had passed away in his sleep. It was all just too much for him. I will never forget sitting in a towel, Jeff’s red eyes and him saying “Sam didn’t make”. We cried alone in the bathroom before talking to Hayley.

We are off to say goodbye and make arrangements.

–later–

The viewing was emotionally rough but I’m glad we got to say goodbye. The staff was teary eyed and the head vet who owns the clinic was really nice and hugging us all. We know he was in good hands with kind people up there which helped us. Hayley handled it well, she cried a lot but seems ok. Jeff has cried his eyes out.

He was snuggled in the blanket we brought up with him and he looked just asleep. We got to hold and smooch him, which really was nice. I was worried about seeing him especially with Hayley but it was great. Holding him one last time, cradled in my arms how I loved to have him and kissing him goodbye meant a lot. We all showered him with kisses for his journey.

Dr. McNamer, the vet who saw him the first day we brought him in sick and who did his surgery, wasn’t in but the head vet said she was taking it pretty bad too. She was really wonderful and called us with updates so often. She stayed late one night to get him antibiotics and she skipped lunch to do the surgery as quick as could be done.

About an hour ago, a delivery man came to the door with flowers from her. We were very touched by her gesture. I hope she knows that we appreciate how much she did and don’t blame her at all. I told the head vet to tell her that. I know she did her best.

We’ve had a lot of tears and laughs, and I’ve slept some. Sam was the dog who was my ‘replacement baby’ all through infertility, don’t laugh. He was the one who let me hold him and snuggle him in a way the beagles never did. I just can’t believe he’s gone. I’m so grateful to have had him for the years that we did. I never thought my heart could break this much over a pet.

–later–

I sent a letter Sunday night to the vets, thanking them for the flowers. Monday evening Dr. McNamer calls. Jeff talks to her because I don’t think I can. Her voice is choked up and she too feels so bad about all of this. We don’t blame them and that’s what the point of the letter was.

Dear Dr. McNamer, Dr. Ashford and the rest of the staff,

Thank you so much for the flowers after our dog Sam’s passing on Saturday and even more for all your concern and care for him.

It has been a really rough weekend but a few things have made it much more bearable for us – and that is knowing that he was given the best care he could have been given and that he was in a place that treated him with love and compassion. We know you all did the very best that could be done for him.

We accept that it was all just too much for such a little dog and we are eternally grateful he just slipped away in his sleep. Having discussed pain meds with Dr. McNamer earlier, we know he didn’t feel a thing.

Dr. McNamer, thank you so much for your calls, for staying late to get us antibiotics, for doing the surgery right away and for treating him with skill and care. Thank you for answering all my questions during the diagnosis and surgery. We wouldn’t change anything we did, we know you gave him the best shot he had at making it and his passing was just the way things ended up.

Thank you to Dr. Ashford for being so kind when we arrived. Your time and compassion made a very hard visit much easier. We know you all gave him top notch care.

And to the staff who took such care with him, who handled him with warmth and kindness. We know Sam’s last days on earth were surrounded by kind people who treated him well and that makes a huge difference when your heart is broken.

Sam was a special little dog. He wandered into our lives (literally) as if it was destiny and he left far too soon but we appreciate every day we had with him. I have never known a dog that loved to snuggle as much as he did. He was a huge comfort to us, especially to me, during a tough time. It is amazing to think of the ability of a creature to offer unconditional love and help heal people, all without ever saying a word. I know we did right by him when we put him in your hands.

Hopefully next time we’ll see you all it will be under happier circumstances with our other dogs but you have earned customers for life with us.

Thank you all so much,

Michelle, Jeff & Hayley Hillison